Mushrooms


We were in this dark thicket on the outskirts of a forest. There were odd mushrooms growing in the underbrush and you picked one up and bit into it. I expressed alarm and you said “It’s ok, the poisonous part is just this bit inside. You eat around it.”

The poisonous part was white and tubular. I felt clumsy and uninformed for some reason.

We crossed a small wooden bridge and looked down at a very shallow muddy creek. When we entered the forest it was very dark and there was suddenly an ominous sound from deep within the forest—a low, guttural utterance of warning. A panther came to mind. We decided not to continue on our way and then the dream ended.

The night before last I dreamt that you were some wild earth woman, very much of the goddess variety, if you will.

Well the mushroom dream is very difficult to understand. I simply don’t see why you didn’t know that only the inner part was poison. Experienced Aunties can always nibble around the poisoned core. We did the transferal of adult power from me to you many years ago. Although I like to help you when I can, I never think of you as someone who needs to learn anything from me, more likely me learning from you.

I see now that the generations of humankind are strangers to one another. The differences in culture and ethics and worldview seem to grow more and more pronounced as time goes by.

I think that the best way to go into old age is to give up the thought that as an elder you are naturally the dispenser of wisdom. There is so much to learn from the newer generations, not that it isn’t fairly hard at times to give up the comfort of certain knowledge. For example if at work a younger person proposes a new way to do something, a lot of times my first reaction is to tell them, “no won’t work we tried that back in the day and it was a disaster.”

Now I stop myself and think well maybe it didn’t work when I tried it, but these are different times and different people. If there is no harm in trying then let’s try. Besides eventually this will all be the province of the young and the elders will only be guests stopping in, might be wise to build up a little good will.

Now dark forests? What is that do you think? The subconscious? Death? The Unknown? We turned back when warned off? Perhaps that is best.

I was pretty gloomy at Christmas. I had two weeks off of work and spent so much time alone that I started to get weird self loathing. I was going along hating myself and thinking it was other people who hated me when one day I was talking to my mentor and he said something that reminded me. I remembered that I was in control. I had chosen to give up my health and happiness for my job, so I could choose to take my health and happiness back. Then I started to work only until 5:30 or 6 and to relax. If I can start exercising pretty soon I will be back on top. I liked the wild woman dream better. I am going to be a wild woman for the rest of my life.

Last night I dreamt I was at a party and everyone started to dance the TANGO. They paired up and each of them seemed to learn the simple steps so easily and the beautiful young people were gliding across the early evening lawn in beautiful synchronicity. The music stopped but they kept dancing and they improvised new steps and danced up to the edge of the swimming pool and then into it.

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