Free Floating Anxiety


Dreams that hurt
Last night I had a dream that left me gasping for air. I woke up with a jolt and started to scream.

I am feeling very afraid. Work is hard and uncertain. There is so much to do and so little time to get it done. The people I work for seem intent on setting us up for failure. There is no room for success. This is going to be a really scary hairy time.

On top of that I keep thinking about the quality of my life. That I am now much closer to death than birth and what do I have to show for the years? I didn't do anything! I wish that it were clearer to me what to do now. I feel like I need to make one last determined surge towards rightness. Make an effort to make a difference. I don't want to die before I can say my life was well spent.

The picture is of Death Valley after a very wet spring. The people in the picture are wading in water. That seems like a hopeful image, but it isn't. It is an image that doesn't parse, it isn't right for there to be water in the desert, not just laying around on the ground.

This is more like it. Death Valley camp ground. Dry, hot and black and white.

We will see.



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